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om/photos/wiedmaier/114382477/Photo taken by: Wiedmaier
Babies and Wedding Bells; Definite Guest Magnets
I was attending my brother-in-laws wedding in the field just outside our front door. It was steamy hot, bugs were swarming the guest’s aroma of perfume mixed with sweat, and my due date was the next day. Due to the not so perfect conditions, I thought it was just having Braxton Hicks and tried to enjoy the festivities. I went home that evening and 3 hours later arrived at the hospital. The labor went smooth and I was in awe of the miracle that I had just delivered. Yet, I didn’t know that my alone time with our new bundle of joy would be so short. Since my husband’s brother had just been married 7 hours earlier, it wasn’t long before every guest from out of town was appearing next to my hospital bed. The visits were all very well meaning, but all very overwhelming. One right after another piled into my tiny room waiting for their turn to ogle over the baby. I spent more time handing my baby over to friends and family than holding and admiring him myself. I kept thinking how I couldn’t wait until I could get home and have some privacy. I started pondering how nice it might be to become a hermit and not leave the house until my son’s 21st birthday.
And then three days later, it was time to go home. Hallelujah, I was finally going home! A sigh of relief and a feeling of anticipation came over me as we pulled up our driveway, when out of the corner of my eye, my eager mother-in-law appears with video camera rolling, ready to capture every moment as I hobble into the house and collapse on the bed in exhaustion. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely appreciated all the help and support from family members, but my emotions were on a roller coaster and I felt like I was being smothered to death. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and didn’t know how to express my own feelings.
I learned a lot from my experience. I learned you can set boundaries while still being tactful and accept help from family and friends without feeling like you owe them hours of baby time when they drop off a meal. If your due date happens to fall around a big family reunion or you deliver the day after your brother-in-laws wedding, here are some suggestions for postpartum peace:
1. Know exactly what you need and what you don’t need. Make a plan and let your family and friends know what that plan is. Try e-mailing or phoning friends and family to let them know what times you will be accepting company. Maybe Wednesdays and Fridays between 12:00-3:00 work the best for you. If you don’t want any visitors for three or four days after delivery, let them know.
2. Put visitors to work. If your friends and family want to help, make a list of things that you think would be really helpful and ask them to pick one or two off the list. It’s o.k. to be specific. They asked, right?
3. Ask your husband to be the gatekeeper. Discuss with him what you would like for him to be in charge of, like entertaining guests that linger too long.
4. Take time for bonding with your new baby. You need alone time with your baby and husband to share experiences and enjoy your new little family. If you feel like you’ve had ample bonding time with baby, you won’t be so hesitant to share with family.
